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When griping grief the heart doth wound,
and doleful dumps the mind opresses,
then music, with her silver sound,
with speedy help doth lend redress.
-William Shakespeare
Liberated Joy
What an action-packed week or so I had... and I don't think it's ending just yet !! I'm definitely living it good though.
The frenzy kicked off with the Poly Summit last week. I thought it was a great experience and I'm taking back what I ought to... not leaving anything behind. The men's retreat followed right after and it was pure relaxation in that one... well at least for me I guess. Spent good times with all the guys... always nice and fun with the brothers. Good times. God nudged me in my heart a little that night at the retreat and it forced me to rethink about certain issues about myself. I was shaken but it's His grace that things are revealed to me when He opens my spiritual eyes. All is good though. God is always good.
On Saturday, I left early in the morning right after the retreat. From GCTC all the way to Maris Stella to conduct the promotional test for the cadets. I can tell you I was still in a blur. I was in no condition to sit through 23 cadets doing a 10 min short case but thank God I pulled through. Talking about St.John's, Deliang's getting married in October !! Hahah. That's great.
It was church on Sunday, and maybe I'm slowly adapting. There's more still, so much more to desire. But I don't want to be ahead of God. On Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, I volunteered for babysitting at the Bill Lawrence Conference for the staff. Those were the best times. I went with xiao mei and the kids are adorable. Little terrors actually. I never knew how draining it was to keep the kids entertained and keeping up with them. After 3 days of monkeying around with them, it felt weird that it all came to and end. Oh I miss those times. I had the best time.
Wednesday night was the freshmen outing at Marina Bay. I've been thinking about bringing them out but one of them took the initiative to organise a steamboat buffet so that was encouraging. It was meant to be just the freshmen but somehow Tina and I joined them. Hahah. It was a time to bond the juniors and hopefully this will help the others get assimilated.
Then there was the ST planning retreat on Thursday. 1 entire day of it. Now that's long. The ministry barbeque at East Coast yesterday was... wet. And cold. Would it sound funny that I was shivering while I was barbequeing ? That's a first for me. Got totally soaked in the sea... so there went my handphone too. Slipped my mind and my handphone went for a dip with me too. I don't care but I loved the time when the few of us worshipped to the music. The praise songs were playing and we danced and jumped and sang and worshipped. How liberated, and that's what I love about it. Why care about how people looked at us ? I care about how God looks at me.
I get visions from God, but then it's not easy being confident about it, or even interpreting it. Especially when it's so weird. Is there hurt in the ministry ? Bleeding in the hearts ? Even so, what do I do ? What's next ?
God I seek You.
signing off at 11:56 PM
Lost and Found
The past few days have been pretty much a roller-coaster ride. Almost literally. It's incredibly nice to go on a holiday with your mates and just let loose. For 3 days I didn't need to worry about anything but just having as much fun as I could... that's the life.
The first day at Genting was my birthday and it turned out to be a pleasant surprise for me. I was honestly anticipating some sort of "hell" from the boys, but what they did made me a happy boy. They paid for my dinner, surprised me with a chocolate cake, and even had a birthday gift for me. Priceless. Wasn't prepared for that at all. Thanks guys.
God has blessed me with the most precious thing on this earth, and it's His love... and He gave it through my friends and closed ones. That gift alone is enough for me.
Like I said, almost literally, it was a roller-coaster ride. Been a while since I've actually flew in one. Hahah. It was great. But the prize has to go to the Space-Shop. That one was out of this world. Takes your breath away. It was super funny anyway, all the dumb things we did on the rides. We caught a midnight show Snakes On A Plane, and it's quite a dumb show. Seriously, the director just probably just wanted to have fun with snakes and decided to go along with a lame storyline. On the last night, the guys went to the disco but Nic and I chose not to go. Stayed in the hotel room watching movies on the laptop. Heard from them after that that the smell of smoke was really strong and there were girls who will throw themselves at you on the dancefloor.
The view on the mountains was great though. It reminded me of "fortresses" as I looked at the surroundings. God's words are like mountains, strong and mighty. Build your life upon His word, and He builds a fortress in you. It felt like I was in heaven. Clouds beneath my feet and so close I could taste it. Half the time the entire place was engulfed in clouds and you couldn't see outside. Glimpse of heaven maybe.
Then there was the Survivor camp. Gosh it was so tiring. First day was at Ubin. First half of the day was pretty fun but later on the heavy rain just disrupted everything. It was super funny also in the group. Hahah. We got to our campsite at Noordin Beach in the evening and it just continued to pour the whole time. We couldn't do much but hide under the little shelter. It carried on until the night and as early as 8 pm, we could have our own time. It was insanely cold at night and I was shivering til the morning. But it was really cool anyway, in the other sense of the word. Bunch of people stuck on an island in the heavy rain with no proper lightings and only a small shelter to hide under. That doesn't happen eveyday. We pitched a few tents though so some of us could sleep in them.
The next day, it was urban Singapore. That was really crazy. The tasks we had to do to win the game... can cry. I was aching all over, and as soon as I reached home, I hit the bed after a nice warm shower.
Survivor camp on the whole was cool. But as I look back, I can't help but feel a tinge of regret flowing inside of me. I know for a fact that some of us could have done more. I know I could have done more. I'm talking about the night where we were stuck in the heavy rain. There was nothing to do, people were mingling around, attending to their own things. That shouldn't be what the camp is like. After dinner, the few of us started to lead in praises and worship to our God, but in the end only the few of us were singing. I guess we weren't really leading coz we decided to start singing in our group and hopefully people will join in. I don't know what it was but we daren't step out to lead the camp. Fear ? Awkwardness ?
There could not have been a better time than that. The big group of God's children under a shelter, heavy rain pelting down in the coolness of the night, and the only source of light coming from candles lit. What a time it was to praise God. What a time it was to experience God's presence out in the "wilderness". It was a God given chance. It was an opportunity for us to have an encounter with God. I'm so sure God didn't send the heavy rain just to spoil our fun. He probably wanted to divert our attention to Him.
But we blew it... missed it. When the time came for our spirits to be united, we didn't. There is a definite lack of unity in spirits and hearts for God. And I wonder too, where the passion is. I didn't see it. I didn't see the zeal, the hunger, the thirst and desperateness to experience God and to worship Him. Everyone was just so dead. And when we were high, it was for the wrong reasons. We were just high on having meaningless fun. I thought we should be high on God...
Of course I'm praying that the next time such an opportunity comes, we won't miss it. Turning the regret into motivation. Praying for more daring hearts, and definitely for God to move us in a way only He can. God definitely deserves better from His children.
You deserve better
You deserve nothing but the best
signing off at 12:45 AM
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